When you are going through the grieving process, there are a lot of emotions floating around. Those are going to come whether you have a traditional funeral service or cremation services in Des Moines, IA. One thing you need to know about the stages of grief that you may have heard about is that there are no real timelines on any of the stages. You might get stuck in one stage or you might fly through a stage. You could pass one stage entirely or go back and forth between two stages. Your grief is completely unique and you shouldn’t compare what you are experiencing to what anyone else is going through. Here are some of the stages and how to get through them if they come to you.

Getting Through Denial

This is generally one of the first stages you will feel, if you feel it at all. In this stage, you are denying that your loved one had passed on. The best thing you can do in this stage is find closure over the death. That means that you need to recognize that your loved one has passed on and they are not returning. You might want to see them before cremation or you may want to witness the cremation. That can help you come to terms with what has happened and it can help you move past denial.

The Pain Of Anger

Losing someone is never fair and you are quite possibly going to be angry over the situation. Why them? Why now? Why did they pass in the way they did? There are a lot of things to be angry about, but it’s not going to help anything. Try to find ways that you can move past the anger and into acceptance. Deep breathing can help or talking about your emotions. You can also vent your anger by going to the batting cages to hit some balls or getting your aggression out in other ways.

Bargaining Is Normal

Some people find that they do their best to bargain for their loved one’s life, but this stage is one that can really hurt and it’s never going to end up in your favor. There’s nothing you can offer to God or anyone else that is going to bring your loved one back. But feeling as if you would trade anything to have even one more day with them is a normal thing to feel.

Deal With Depression

One of the most common things people feel when they are grieving is a deep sadness or depression. You might feel like there is no hope and that can be very overwhelming. Let your family comfort and support you and try to find hope in your life so you are able to move on with a new sense of normal. If you need grief support around cremation services in Des Moines, IA, contact the professionals at Iles Funeral Home for suggestions on where you can find what you need.

You enjoy music, most people do, but perhaps you just flip the radio on in your car or at home when it’s too quiet. You haven’t made music your life. It’s possible that you have one or more musicians in your family, though, and when you are tasked with creating cremation services in Urbandale, IA for one of those musical people, you may want to do things differently for them than you would an average music enjoyer. Here are some options to consider when you make the plans.

Display Certain Instruments

If your loved one was musically inclined and talented, they might have played one or more instruments. You can display those instruments at their final services to remind everyone about the music they loved. People might remember seeing them play that certain guitar you have at the front of the room and you can even place pictures of them around with that instrument in their hands to illustrate the point further.

Play Their Songs

If your loved one had songs they loved to play, there might even be recordings of them out there playing that music. If so, using those songs as the background for the service, or even as an integral part of the service is a great way to honor them. If you don’t have recordings, you can still play the songs you know they appreciated and loved. You could even incorporate special music with those songs to honor their love of those tunes further.

Invite Other Musicians

Musicians understand other musicians and it’s likely that your loved one had a circle of friends who loved music as much as they did. Perhaps they played in a community orchestra, had a band, or sang in the choir at church. Make sure the other people who loved music alongside your loved one are invited to their service. They would be happy to have them there. You could also use these individuals as insiders into what your loved one adored. They might even be able to provide some special music they know your loved one would appreciate.

Consider An Instrument As A Resting Place

While urns are the standard resting place for cremated remains, they are certainly not the only option. In fact, for a musical person in your family, it might feel more right to have them reside inside an instrument they adored. Many instruments have natural holes that can easily hold ashes. You could place their ashes inside a guitar, for example, and then hand that instrument on the wall of your home in a place of honor. There are plenty of other options to consider, depending on what your loved one liked the most.

When you are going to have cremation services in Urbandale, IA for a musician, the professionals Iles Funeral Home are here to help you create something special for your family and for the person who passed on. We want you to be able to honor them and the things that they loved the most during their lifetime, which just might be music.

If someone in your family passes on, you might want to have some kind of final service for them to honor their memory. If you go with a funeral, that will happen within a few days of their death and is a nice way to give everyone closure and a chance to say a final goodbye. However, it can also add extra stress and burdens to your family as you try to plan something in short order. Cremation services in Des Moines, IA, on the other hand, come with options when it comes to the timeline of a memorial service. You can still do something right away, if you wish, but you can also put the services off for a week, two weeks, a month, or even longer. Here are some of the reasons why delaying the memorial service might work better for you.

Family Can Plan Their Travel

You might have some family in the area, but there are also members who have spread out over the years. Which is easier on them, traveling somewhere with only a day or two of notice or traveling somewhere with a week or more to plan things out? Giving them notice and the time to plan their travel, get time off work, and so on can ensure that you will have more family members who are able to make it. You may not want to rule someone out from attending the service just because they are far away and need time to get to your location. Instead, you can put the memorial off, plan a date, let everyone know, and give them all fair warning to get things in order.

To Plan Something Special

Memorial services that you have soon after someone’s death can be very nice and very special. But you might want to put together something that takes a little more time. Having more time to plan the service out can give you the opportunity to create something that feels more unique and special. When a family member passes on, you have a lot to deal with and the services being a bit off can give you the time you need to get everything you want prepared.

Grieve Before Planning

Grief can hit hard and you might feel like you are in shock or that your brain is all foggy. It’s hard to make decisions about a memorial when your grief is that heavy and it might be better for you to wait a bit until the worst of the fog has lifted. Then, you are able to think clearly and put something together that your loved one would have appreciated.

If you decide on cremation services in Des Moines, IA for a loved one, you will first want to take care of their needs. That means getting a cremation packaged lined up for them. This package is going to include everything they have to have for the cremation process. Once the cremation is complete, you can worry about the memorial service with the professionals at Iles Funeral Home later.

If you have taken it upon yourself to make your own plans for cremation services West Des Moines, IA in the future, that’s a huge step and a wonderful thing to do for your family. While you might already have the plans in place, you still want to let your family know that there are plans and where they can call when the time comes. Even if you are young and healthy, it’s good to let your family in on what you planned out so they can have time to process their own feelings and get used to the ideas of what you want. Here are some tips to help you talk to your family about what you planned.

Find A Good Time

First, you are going to want a good time to talk about this serious subject. You don’t want a bunch of the kids in the family running around and interrupting. You need quiet, dedicated time for the discussion. Wait until the kids go to bed, have a family dinner at another location, or get on an internet facetime call so you can have the time you need for this important subject. Let everyone know what you want to discuss so they aren’t shocked, too.

Know What You Want With Reasons

Once you have everyone you want to talk to gathered, let them in on what you have planned out and be prepared to offer reasons. There are no right or wrong reasons for choosing cremation and if that’s what you want, that’s reason enough. But some of your family might push you and want to know why you set things up the way you did. If it’s because you didn’t want to spend much, tell them. If it’s because you want to be scattered in a certain location, let them know. Having your reasons in hand can help you to explain and it can help them feel comfortable about the process as a whole.

Allow Questions

Don’t treat the process as a dictatorship. Even if the plans are set and you know what you want, it’s nice to let your family ask questions. They might come up with things that you hadn’t yet thought about. If nothing else, it’s nice for them to get the answer directly from you rather than having to wonder about it in the future after you pass on and can no longer answer.

Ask What Others Want

If there are certain things you aren’t sure about, you could ask your family what they would like to have happen. Or, you could use this as an opportunity to open the discussion and ask other people in your family what they would want in the future if they were to pass on first. If you want them to know what you would like, it might be nice for you to know what they want as well.

You can plan your cremation services in West Des Moines, IA with Iles Funeral Home whenever you are ready.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to grieving. It’s a process and not something that is going to happen overnight. When you are dealing with arranging cremation services in Urbandale, IA for a loved one and you are grieving at the same time, it can be a lot to handle. You want to make sure your loved one’s needs are set up and cared for and that’s important. But once they are handled, you have to focus on yourself and what you need as you grieve. You might find that having some counseling during the grieving process would be good for you. Here are a few signs that might point you in that direction.

Physical Illness That Won’t Go Away

If you are physically ill because of your grief, that’s not all that uncalled for or abnormal. But as time passes and you start to process your grief, you will want to think about those illnesses and why they aren’t going away. Visit with your doctor and see if there is something medical going on. If there doesn’t seem to be a reason for the ailment, it could be the grief that has a hold on you. A counselor can help you process your emotions, which could help you put the illness aside as well.

Isolation Is Never Good

There are doing to be times when you are grieving that you want to be alone and that’s perfectly normal and acceptable. But if you find that you are turning down every invitation and staying home at every opportunity, you might be isolating yourself and that is not a good sign. You need to be among people who love you and can support you through this hard time. If you are avoiding those chances, seek counseling to help yourself through this phase and to the next.

Things Get Worse Instead Of Better

Time isn’t going to heal the hole you might feel like you have in your heart, but as time passes, you will get better with dealing with your loved one’s absence. You’ll get used to the fact that they aren’t there, even though you still miss them. You might have a new normal in your life and are able to operate in a manner that works. However, if you feel that things are getting worse in your life instead of better as time passes, you need to do some work to turn it all around. Counseling might be a good avenue for you.

There’s No Joy In Anything

You used to love watching a certain TV show but now, you never laugh at the jokes. You used to adore your pets, but even the dog in your lap doesn’t make you smile. If you aren’t finding any joy in anything after the cremation services in Urbandale, IA, that’s not how your loved one would want you to live. Contact the professionals at Iles Funeral Home for counseling referrals to find happiness again.

It can be hard to plan a final service for a family member who has passed on. You might not know what they wanted and you have to guess. You are emotional, at the same time. If you have ever been in that position, you might understand all that much better that planning your own cremation services in Des Moines, IA can be a real benefit to a lot of people. If you want to think about heading in that direction and planning your own direct cremation, here are some of the benefits you need to think about.

No More Planning Burden

Think about the time you lost that loved one and had to plan their final services. There was a lot of pressure on you. You were grieving and you had to make plans that met their needs and made the rest of your family happy, too. It’s a lot for anyone to handle. When you plan your own direct cremation ahead of time, you don’t have to worry about placing that burden on anyone else. You take the burden in advance and make the plans you want. Then, there’s no more burden for anyone when the time comes to use the plans.

Pre-Payment Becomes Possible

Some people will put funds into place for their own final services so family doesn’t have to worry about costs and that’s a very nice thing to do. But they don’t really have an exact idea as to what things are going to cost. When you plan out your direct cremation ahead of time, you know exactly what the costs are and you can take care of those costs in advance as well, if you want to. While it’s not required that you pay ahead, it takes that burden from your families as well and it also gives you today’s prices, which can be much lower than what they might be in the future.

Get What You Want

As you look through the options, you might know what you want for yourself at the time of your death. Direct cremation is simple, straightforward, and easy and it might sound like the ideal route to you. If you know that’s what you want, you can tell your family as much and they will likely want to follow your wishes. But planning things out means you will for sure get what you want. Your family will just call the cremation provider and the plans you put into place will take action. By planning ahead, you have peace of mind that whatever it is that you want will be what happens.

Direct cremation services in Des Moines, IA, are permanent once they take place, but if you plan now and then decide a few years down the road that you want something else, that’s okay. The plans can be changes up until the moment you pass on. The professionals at Iles Funeral Home are here to help you make the plans you want to have in place for your future whenever you are ready.

While it might be hard to decide on cremation services in West Des Moines, IA for a loved one who has passed on, it can be even harder to decide what kind of memorial you want to have for that person. There are so many choices it might be overwhelming to choose what you want to do and get things planned out. In addition to the plans, you will want to consider the details on the outside, like whether or not you want to livestream the service. While that option can be very nice for some, it’s not for everyone. Here are a few ways to tell if it’s right for you:

You Have Family Far Away That Can’t Attend

You want your family to have the opportunity to honor your loved one in whatever way you see fit. While it would be nice if everyone was able to make it in person so you could all gather, that’s not always reality. You might have family that lives far away and just can’t make the trip at the right time. In order to include them in the services, you could consider livestreaming the services so they can be there, even from a far, to honor your loved one with you. This might be a benefit to them as well so they can get the closure they need and say that final goodbye in their own way.

You Want Small Services, But Don’t Like Leaving Others Out

There’s nothing wrong with having a memorial service that is on the small side. It can be very nice to be there with your small family group and have something intimate and lovely. However, you might feel bad about leaving certain people out of that mixture. Instead of feeling like you are excluding people who might want to be there, you may want to livestream the service to anyone outside the small group who might want to watch it. That way, everyone has a way to see what goes on and can attend virtually, if they choose.

You Have Vulnerable Family Members Who Need Safety

You might have a loved one who has cancer or an older individual in your family who just can’t handle getting sick. These people want to attend, but it’s just not safe right now. For them, livestreaming is a great option. You can have the service and ensure they are set up with the right options so they can watch things happen as they occur. They are safe, they get to ‘be there,’ and you aren’t worried about their health in the midst of the services.

If you are considering livestreaming your loved one’s cremation services in West Des Moines, IA, it might be a good fit for your family. The professionals at Iles Funeral Home can talk to you more about that option as well as other additions you might want to tack onto the cremation packages we have available. We are here to help you honor your loved one in whatever way you see fit on your timeline.

It can feel impossible to make plans for a loved one who has passed on and that’s completely normal. You may not know what they wanted and you have to guess as to what is best. Keep in mind that both traditional funerals and cremation services in Urbandale, IA are completely honorable and respectful. You just have to do what you feel is best for your loved one in your particular situation. There aren’t even any right or wrong reasons to choose one over the other. But you are going to want to avoid having regrets over those decisions later. Here are a few ways you can do that.

Choose The Right Funeral Home

Your loved one has immediate needs that have to be met and you will need help from a funeral home to do that. Some people rush forward and just call the first professionals they find, but that can cause regrets later. You’ll want to look into the options and ensure that the experts you choose have the services you want, have a good location, will treat you well, and will give your loved one everything they need. Choosing the right funeral home means looking at websites, reading reviews, making phone calls, and even visiting a few before you decide. It doesn’t have to take long, but you definitely want to check things out so you know you won’t regret your choice later.

Check With Family About Cremation

While you might be sure about the cremation option, you don’t want to regret that you moved forward with cremation only to discover that other people in your family weren’t okay with that option later. You might feel bad that you did something they didn’t like. Check with your family and see what they feel about cremation. If you are sure that’s what you want to do with your loved one for their final services, you can give your family a chance to ask questions and get details so they can come around to the idea. Cremation is permanent so you want to be confident about the option as you go into that service.

Not Having a Memorial Service

One nice thing about the cremation option is that once you have a loved one cremated, you erase the timeline. Their needs are met and you are able to do whatever else you want for them on any timeline you want to have in place. Some people aren’t sure what to do so they don’t do anything at all and that’s okay. You might regret not having a service later, but another good thing about cremation is that it’s never too late. You can have a cremation service at any time and honor your loved one however far into the future it might be.

Cremation services in Urbandale, IA are honorable and respectful, but they are also permanent ad you want to be sure about them before moving forward so you don’t have regrets. The professionals at Iles Funeral Home are here to help you with the details.

Send A Donation

You want the family to know you care about them and one thing you can do, other than sending the standard flower arrangement, is send money to them. Perhaps they need funds for the final services or maybe they have a charity in mind that they want to donate to in their loved one’s honor. Either way, they will appreciate your support. You can also send a donation right to a charity if the family has listed one that their loved one appreciates. You can also choose a charity you feel is fitting and let the family know what you have done in honor of the person who dies.

Send A Note

If you want to send money, you can send it inside a sympathy card, or you can just send the card and note if you don’t have money to spare or don’t feel led to do that. In your card, tell the family you are thinking of them and are sorry for their loss. You can also say you are sorry you couldn’t make it to the service, though you don’t have to expand on that with any reasons as to why you were absent.

Provide A Meal Later

Another common way to show your support is to provide the family with a meal later on, once the services are complete and they might be in mourning and unwilling to cook on their own. You can make a casserole that they can freeze and pull out whenever they need it. You could send groceries from an area store, or even contact a restaurant and order something for them to enjoy. Sending gift cards is another option as they can then get the food whenever they need it and use it that way. This is a nice way to be supportive, whether you live in the area or not.

You’ll want to attend the cremation services in Des Moines, IA if you can to show your support, but that’s just not always possible. The professionals at Iles Funeral Home can help you with ideas and options of things you might do instead of attending to ensure that the family knows you are thinking about them and are supporting them through this hard time. Sometimes, even a simple phone call later can be nice.